Ending Toxic Relationships: How To Handle It
Ending a toxic relationship is a difficult process. It takes a lot out of you mentally and emotionally, both to live within the toxicity and to break the cycle of bad relationships.
The moment you realize you’re in a toxic relationship, and you want to end it, is the moment you begin walking down the long road that will lead to the end of something that brings you great pain. This is true for all kinds of relationships, whether you’re dealing with verbal abuse, physical abuse, or emotional abuse.
For many, breaking down daunting tasks makes planning things easier. If you understand what the process of ending a toxic relationship is, you’ll have an easier time preparing yourself when it’s time to walk.
Remember that ending toxic relationships is difficult and takes time. Don't be hard on yourself if you feel like you have trouble walking away.
Knowing You’re in a Toxic Relationship
Realizing that a relationship is toxic is difficult when you’re in it. It helps to understand the definition of a toxic relationship. Whether you have a toxic romantic relationship, toxic friend or family, or toxic coworker, the unhealthy dynamics become routine. This makes it harder for you to recognize that the people who are supposed to watch your back are actually holding you down.
To know if you have a relationship with a toxic person, you need to know the red flags. The red flags of an unhealthy relationship will differ depending on two things: the nature of the relationship and the dynamics. Red flags for physically abusive relationships may overlap with red flags for verbally abusive relationships, but some minor details are easy to miss. For example, some red flags for toxic workplaces are:
The manager makes you feel bad for taking time off
Your achievements are never acknowledged
You feel like you can’t speak your mind
Whereas some red flags for verbally abusive relationships are:
Negging
Putting words in your mouth
Purposefully misinterpreting what you say
Once you understand that the people in your life are detrimental to your emotional wellbeing, it might take a lot of time and energy to end those relationships. Change is scary. It's especially scary when toxic people make you feel like you can’t be happy without them. Luckily, ideas like that are lies that you can break free from.
Knowing When to Leave a Toxic Relationship
Adult relationships are hard to end because there are a lot of things that can tie two people together. Children, financial dependency, and family pressure can make it hard to leave immediately.
Ideally, you would want to leave a toxic relationship as soon as possible. You shouldn’t have to waste any more time with someone who is stopping you from living your best life. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for everyone. Sometimes, it’s better for you to slowly plan your leave until you’re sure you can get away from them safely. This goes for relationships that are emotionally and physically abusive.
You may feel guilty for wanting to leave, especially if you put others before yourself. However, you should remind yourself that you’re thinking of leaving for a reason. It's hard to know what the future will look like if you leave, but you should always believe that it can be better than what you have now.
Understanding That Things Change After the End of a Toxic Relationship
One of the reasons people go back to toxic relationships is because they don’t like how your life turns out after ending the relationship. The longer you were in a toxic relationship, the more jarring life feels after you end it. You may live in a different house, a different location, and have different friends. You may have a different job and find yourself in a different financial situation.
Possibly the strangest change you notice is that you are a different person. Many people have to get re-acquainted with themselves after leaving a toxic relationship. This can be both exciting and scary. You may not know what to do with yourself and all this change. It's an experience that might feel uncomfortable at times.
When we experience such discomfort, we are automatically drawn toward the familiar. This often ends up being the relationship we just left.
Working on Yourself After a Toxic Relationship
Take care of yourself after you leave a toxic relationship. The more you take care of yourself, the less likely you are to return to the relationship. Focusing on yourself will also help you transition into a life without the other person.
Set boundaries with the people in your life whether they’re new or old acquaintances. Take the time to find a therapist that truly understands you. Treat yourself every now and again and do things that make you happy. Know that time heals all wounds even if the journey toward healing feels long and tiresome.
If you’re scared of ending up in another toxic relationship, working on yourself can help with that. Aside from therapy and informing yourself about toxic behavior, developing a healthy relationship with yourself is an important part of the process. If you give yourself all the love, care, and attention you deserve, you’ll have an easier time recognizing when someone isn’t treating you properly.
Navigating Interpersonal Relationships after Ending a Toxic Relationship
Letting new people into your life after leaving a toxic relationship can be hard. You may have trauma leftover from the toxic relationship that affects the way you interact with others. It's an incredibly frustrating thing because it feels like your abuser is still controlling your life.
Relationship coaching and personal therapy can help you navigate your new relationships smoothly. There are also many mental health resources available if you’re having a hard time starting therapy.
There's no shame in letting people know that you are affected by previous negative experiences. If you care about the person and feel like they care about you too, open up and let them know. Your trauma may cause you to shut them out or misunderstand them and they should know that.
Honest communication is a crucial part of any healthy relationship. One of the hallmarks of a toxic relationship is poor communication. Having to communicate your feelings may feel strange after going so long without being heard, but it does get easier with time.
