5 Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Most relationships feel great, to begin with. Otherwise, you never would have got together. However, over time, relationship changes can leave you feeling drained and wondering why you ever got together in the first place.
In a healthy relationship you feel safe, secure and happy expressing yourself. Healthy relationships allow you to follow your dreams, pursue personal interests and spend time with family and friends without feeling guilty.
A good relationship feels rich and rewarding. It is a source of joy. In a bad relationship, you are more likely to feel drained. And while all relationships can go through rough patches, a toxic relationship can cause long term damage to both mental and physical health.
Identifying toxicity in any relationship is the first step towards moving forward. If the relationship is toxic something needs to change.
It is worth noting here that any relationship can be toxic. While it might be a relationship with a romantic partner, you could also be dealing with a toxic relationship with a friend, family member or co-worker. An unhealthy relationship in any area of your life can be damaging. So take note of these red flags and look out for them in all your relationships.
Abusive relationships are an extreme sign of toxicity. And while relationship experts differ in opinions on some areas, all agree that no one should have to tolerate physical abuse, verbal abuse or emotional abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship you should seek help. If you feel scared of an abusive partner you can call the police or speak to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Below are 15 toxic relationship signs. Some of these warning signs are subtler than others, but if any of them apply then you could be in an unhealthy relationship.
1. You Don’t Feel Safe To Be Fully Yourself
Any relationship where you do not feel safe to be fully yourself is not a healthy relationship. If the relationship feels unsafe because of the threat of physical or emotional abuse then this is a big red flag.
2. You’re Constantly Walking on Egg Shells
Having to constantly walk on eggshells is definitely a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you are worried that bringing up issues will provoke a negative reaction then these issues never get dealt with. This can lead to resentment and a hostile atmosphere.
3. There’s a Lack of Trust
Trust is fundamentally important in any relationship. A lack of trust from either side indicates something isn’t right. If you have to hide things from your partner, lie or be dishonest with them then the relationship needs to change.
4. There’s a Lack of Respect
Again, mutual respect is a cornerstone of any good relationship. If this basic human right isn’t a part of your relationship the chances are there are other toxic behaviors to look out for as well.
5. You Feel Unworthy and Have Lower Self Esteem
Any relationship that leaves you feeling unworthy or like you don’t deserve any better is toxic. Toxic partners might even put you down or tell you you’re lucky to have them rather than showing you your value.
6. Constant Criticism and Judgment
Constant criticism is another sign of an unhealthy relationship or toxic marriage. Similarly, no one feels good if they are constantly being judged.
7. A Lack of Mutual Reliability
Knowing you can rely on your partner, friend or family member is one of the building blocks of a good relationship. A lack of mutual reliability can leave you feeling constantly let down and like you aren’t important. As well as causing stress and anxiety.
8. A Lack of Physical Intimacy
Of course, this only applies to romantic relationships, but a sexless marriage can be a sign that something is up. If either party is demanding or withholding sex this is toxic behavior. Physical intimacy should be something that both parties are looking for and should never be used as a weapon of control.
9. They Bring Out the Worst in You
If a friend, partner or colleague is bringing out the worst in you then it could be time to re-think the relationship. Choosing to spend time with people who bring out your best qualities will have a knock-on impact in all areas of your life.
10. Constant Negative Energy or a Hostile Atmosphere
Being around constant anger or hostility makes you feel unsafe and triggers responses in your nervous system that can impact your health. Plus, constantly being surrounded by negative energy makes it very difficult for positive things to happen.
11. Financial Control
Negative financial behaviors can show up in different ways. Someone with a toxic personality may restrict your access to money as a means of controlling you. Or it may be more subtle, such as you have agreed to save for something but they keep spending money.
12. Mutual Avoidance
Mutual avoidance is a bad relationship sign. While having separate interests and maintaining individual friendships is positive for a healthy relationship, if you don’t want to spend time together you should probably question whether this is the relationship for you.
13. You Make Excuses for Them
You shouldn’t have to apologize for someone else’s behavior. If you find yourself constantly apologizing on behalf of someone else or making excuses for them then take some time to figure out why.
14. Lack of Communication
This one probably should have been top of the list. Any relationship advice you read will tell you if there is no communication there is no relationship. Talking to a marriage counselor or family therapist could be a good option if you feel like communication has broken down as there are often underlying issues that also need to be addressed.
15. Other People Say You Are Not Yourself
Sometimes it can be very hard to admit or even see that our relationships are toxic. It’s easy to make excuses for our low mood or changes in energy levels. But if the people who love you are noticing changes it can be a wise move to listen to them.
This is not an exhaustive list by any means but it gives a good indication of some of the things to look out for in potentially toxic relationships. There is no need to feel badly if you have noticed any of these traits. Relationships whether it’s married life or friendship change over time and can need work to keep them healthy. Or it may be time to move forward and leave damaging relationships with toxic people behind.
The workbook Grit and Grace: 7 Steps to Survive Heartbreak offers a way to transform the pain of a breakup so you can heal your heart and become a stronger person. It’s full of practical steps to help you heal and have more fulfilling adult relationships in future.
