Sections
You never have to apologize for your sensitivity, and trying to conform will only lead to great pain. If you’re a highly sensitive woman, chances are you can relate to some, or many of the below:
As a child: Maybe you were sensitive to fabrics, smells, loud noises, and any disruptions to your circadian rhythm and you probably cried a lot. Maybe this still holds true.
Physical sensitivity: your nervous system reacts to change of climate, jet lag (travel), foods, sounds, environment, supplements, lotions, etc. You also feel the slightest shift in your physical energy as if it were seismic. When you get sick, sometimes it takes you down harder than others and you can’t understand why you aren’t more physically resilient.
Emotional sensitivity: This is not the same thing as not being able to take a joke - that’s entirely different. You actually probably have a great/dark sense of humor :). But you are acutely aware of others emotions and can be highly emphatic. Others anger and sadness and negativity particularly effect you. Sometimes its difficult to differentiate between your stress and someone else's.
Stress sensitivity: Your nervous system is rather reactive. You might find yourself more easily in flight or fight or perhaps have some irrational phobic like fears. You have a greater proclivity towards adrenal fatigue.
Imaginative: You have a wild and big imagination. You may have day dreamed a lot as a child. Sometimes this leads to excessive rumination, and sometimes it leads to great creativity.
Feeling: You feel things very deeply. You may have suppressed a lot of emotion as a coping skill which tends to manifest as illness or dis-ease in your body. Breakups are harder for you to get over than most, and you can often get overwhelmed with emotion - good or bad at random times.
Worry & Anxiety: You may have a tendency to worry more than others which leads to more frequent states of anxiety. You may be a bit neurotic - which has a bad wrap, but is the sign of a very active mind. You also may suffer from focus issues, feeling too hyper or too out of your body to focus. As a child, you may have been called a worry wort.
Shame: its possible that you have been misunderstood and criticized for being this way, and so you have secretly wished you weren’t sensitive, acted like you aren’t (hid it) or have tried to down play it to yourself as much as others.
TOOLS
When we don't own this part of ourselves, we make it a lot harder for others to misunderstand us. People can unconsciously sense your ambivalence about yourself and that makes it harder for them to accept you for who you are. If you have not already, you have to accept that this is who you are and its not changing. It can feel like a curse at times, but if you harness it, its f*cking magic.
Paradoxical to the first tool: Sensitive is a big part of who you are, but it’s not all that you are. Remember my points on over-identification? When “sensitive” has been something you’ve long misunderstood in yourself, long been labeled or judged for by others, and has been all encompassing and overwhelming many times throughout your life - it is easy to label yourself as sensitive and make that identity the only one that matters. But you are so many more things. In fact, some sensitives are extroverted, some introverted, some wild, some more conservative, and so on and so on.
Meditation: It doesn't matter what method you use, or if you listen to a relaxation hypnosis on youtube. The effects of meditation are profound for sensitivity in two primary ways. 1, it helps to quiet the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight: digestive issues, TMJ, muscle tension and pain) and stimulates the parasympathetic of rest and restore. 2. It unlocks your subconscious leading to breakthroughs (breaking through blocks), higher creativity and clearer intuition.
Exercise: It’s a must. I’m biased and believe yoga is the best form of body movement for balancing the nervous system. But theres dance, running, walking, HIIT workouts, weight lifting (particularly recommended for thin, physical sensitive types). Whatever floats your boat. Just don't over do it.
Walking. Thanks to my dog, I walk a lot. Walking has been PROFOUND for honing my focus, igniting my creativity, calming my nerves, and quieting my mind. If you can, take a walk every day for at least 20 minutes.
Feel your feelings. You may have spent years repressing and suppressing in order to survive. But not feeling your feelings is not survival, its disease causing. Practice feeling and then letting go. Let your emotions move through you like a wave. When you allow a feeling to move through your body, it passes. Just like a storm. This is far better for your mental health than a hard emotion that acts like an endless season of gray skies and drizzling rain. Let the wave come in, peak, and move on. Read the book: “Letting Go, The Path to Surrender” by David Hawkins. Life-changing.
Take more risks. Risk is a subjective word and it applies to anything that demands of an individual to embrace an unknown in her life. Safety and security are close friends with those who are sensitive. Life can feel very overwhelming, and when it does, we will turn to controlling our environment so that we can feel more safe. This is understandable. But it will pain you, deeply, (as you might already know) if this need robs you of your need and deep desire to spread your wings. Whenever, and wherever that may be for YOU.
Boundaries. In my boundaries workshop, which you can find inside the membership, or a la carte on my home page, I discuss the importance of internal boundaries. It is the work of an emphatic sensitive person to learn how to share someone's pain, not bear it. “Sensitives” tend to run into the codependent issues of needing to fix someone's problems so that they don't have to bear the weight of another’s hard emotions. In this case, you need the constant reminder of the boundary: “I can hold space for this person to be able to feel and process their own pain”.
Protect your energy. Because your energy is easily inflamed, you must protect it with a different kind of boundary: “No”. Saying no when you really need to say it (not out of fear or because you’re isolating) is imperative. For example: “Thank you so much for the invite, but unfortunately I won’t be able to join.” That’s it.
Declare it. No need to scream from a mountain top how sensitive you are, and I don't advise you to talk about it all the time as if it runs your life. The point is that this a profound part of who you are and it means that you have to approach different aspects of your life differently than your partner or friends, etc. Don't hide it. Talk about it transparently. Take whatever time you need to restore as if it were your birthright. Which it is.
Harness it. Usher your sensitivity into something that transmutes it into a gift. Ie: helping others, art, writing, teaching, hospice work, mediumship, and more.
INVENTORY
How has being sensitive impacted your life and relationships?
Do you, or have you had shame around it?
How have you not accepted this part of yourself? In other words, is it a part of your Shadow?
How have you over-identified with it? Who else are you?
Reframe your sensitivity. How is it a gift? How can you start to use it more as a gift?
What tools mentioned above do you think you would benefit most from?
What action is required for you to be able to take care of this part of you more?
List all the ways you can start accepting this part of yourself. Perhaps you’ve been downplaying it or, denying its existence to you and others.