Sections
To be committed is a specific state. It is determined, willful, resourceful and strong.
In the intro of this blueprint, I asked you to take inventory of what relationship means to you and I reviewed the concept of a “spiritual” relationship. If you’re reading this, you are either in a committed relationship - perhaps a marriage, in a relationship that you are questioning whether or not you should take the next step with this person - and by next step I mean emotionally and/or logistically. Or, you are single and wisely preparing yourself energetically, emotionally, physiologically and pragmatically for your next one.
Addressing your level of commitment applies to you no matter where you are relationship-wise, because my method for an extraordinary relationship takes commitment very seriously. In other words, before you say “I do”, whether that is in a marriage ceremony, or I do to having kids, or even to moving in together, you have to consult with your level of commitment if what you want is extraordinary.
My method is not a one foot in, one foot out process. It is not based on the theory: “We can always just break up or divorce if it doesn't work out”. That almost guarantees things not working out. As someone who works with clients to figure out what they want in their current or future relationships, I can confidently say that all of them want one that is very special. They actually want a spiritual relationship as described in the intro of this blueprint.
If you view your commitment to one another to be a spiritual arrangement, then the back door cannot exist.
In other words, divorce (whether you are legally married or not) is really not an option. It means that you don't bring up the D word or B (breakup) word when you are going through a harrowing time. That word can only come up when you mean it. Because please hear me when I say there will be harrowing times. If you're committed for the long haul, you will have many relationships within the relationship. Ebbs, flows, lots of sex, no sex, death of loved ones, illness, depression, anxiety, parenthood, losing all your money, making it all back, moving, changing, sacrifices and potentially more.
The question is, how committed are you?
INVENTORY
If you are married or in a longer term relationship:
What was it like when you first met?
Reflect on your relationship from the beginning of your “marriage" until now. How many marriages have you actually had together within your relationship? Describe them in detail.
What stage are you in now? (examples of transitions: beginning of relationship, having a baby, a toddler, or your child grown up and either out of the house or approaching high school; new phase in your careers, just moved to a new city or country) It’s important to identify the stage your relationship is in right now so that you can address transitioning into it with more ease.
What would you like the next stage of your relationship to be like, feel like, look like? Where do you live, why do you do for fun, for leisure, How much time do you spend together or apart, what trips will you take, how will you communicate, what is your level of intimacy and closeness… and so on.
If you are struggling: I believe the word “try” is a disempowered word in all relationships, including the one we have to yourself. Instead, we have to either say I will, or I will not and not get too attached to the outcome. You see, you may do absolutely everything in your power to make it work and it won’t. But then at least you can look in the mirror and feel proud of the fact that you really put your all into it. With that in mind, have you really done all that you can? Here are tips to how to honor your commitment which will be further explained later in this blueprint. Are you:
Working consistently with a couple’s coach or therapist?
Working consistently with your own coach or therapist?
Have you both learned how to communicate effectively with another about your struggles?