Press play to watch Zoom video above, password: FEAR

I should start by mentioning that I’m a pretty fearful person and have been my entire life. Which is why I’ve spent years trying to figure out my own fear and now I help others how to cope with their own - successfully. This workshop is not about becoming fearless. In fact, there is no such thing. Truly, FEARLESS does not exist. What does exist, however is COURAGE. You see, if something scares you, is it possible that you can reduce your fear by facing it? Absolutely. YOU can even eradicate certain fears to almost nothing. But no one is a completely fearless person. In fact, the people who you believe to be fearless have just learned to face their fears because they simply decided to not allow their fear to stop them. This is a skill, and one I intend to teach you.

Most of us know that the biggest obstacle we face in life is our fear. We know it holds us back and we also have experienced how insidious it can be. The question we must answer though is WHY? Why is fear so rampant?

2 reasons:

1. OUR BRAINS ARE DESIGNED TO KEEP US OUT OF DANGER

The oldest part of our brain is what scientists refer to as the “reptilian brain”, because it is almost identical in structure to that of a reptile. It controls our body’s vital functions such as heart rate, breathing and body temperature. In other words, it’s the part of our brain that is responsible for fight, flight and freeze. Our brains have literally not evolved in over 2 million years, and the reptilian part of our brain is still fully in tact.The life of a homo sapient 2 million years ago was one filled with actual clear and present danger, so in order to survive, our reptilian brain had to run the show. Cut to today: If you’re reading this, it means that you do not live in a culture where clear and present physical danger is part of your daily life, thankfully. BUT: all that physical danger has been replaced by the existential threat of not being loved and of not belonging. In other words, the emotional danger of not being enough. Enough for ourselves, our family, our lovers, and well, even strangers.

2. HUMANS HAVE 2 MAJOR DRIVES: PLEASURE, AND PAIN

All we want is to avoid pain and secure pleasure. Can you blame us? The only thing though is that pain is a greater motivator for the vast majority of us. Which means we will work harder to avoid pain than we will to acquire pleasure. In fact, some pain is so terrifying to us that we will do just about anything to avoid it including DENY pleasure and stunt our growth emotionally/spiritually in order to be “safe” from that pain. Sound familiar?

FEAR BROKEN DOWN

FOCUS
You have to focus on something that makes you fearful. Whatever we focus on, we will feel.

PHYSIOLOGY
Fear is experienced somatically. It lands in the body most typically in the chest, stomach, and lower back. But it can be anywhere. It manifests as tightness, clenching, and hardness. Our cardio vascular system starts to ramp up and we may perspire. Our breath becomes shallow, and depending on the quality of fear, we may hyperventilate.

THOUGHT
Sometimes thought precedes the physical response, and sometimes its reverse. Usually the two bleed into one another. The thoughts are often repetitive and are woven through a narrative, or story as to why something is scary, or why we “can’t do it” or “shouldn’t” or “can’t deal” or “will do it later”.

We may not be able to control our fear and make it disappear, but we can leverage it so that it does not control US.

2 Ways to leverage your fear

1. FIND SOMETHING SCARIER THAN YOUR FEAR

For example, let’s say you fear public speaking but you’ve been given a tremendous opportunity to speak to an audience that will take your career to the next level you’ve been dreaming of. What is scarier to you - public speaking or never having an opportunity like that again? You see, we are always making decisions that are related to fear. You just have to decide what is scarier to you.

2. THIS IS RELATED TO #1: FIND A COMPELLING ENOUGH REASON WHY TO DO WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID TO DO ANYWAY

For example, let's say you have a fear of flying and hate planes. But, you love to travel and you want to go on vacation. Could you focus on the vacation MORE than you focus on the flight and actually transmute your fear into excitement?? You bet. You actually do it all the time - you face your fears when you want what is on the other side of if badly enough.

JOURNAL

  1. What do you want?

  2. What fears come up when you think about going for what you want? (fears also live in excuses - even the valid ones)

  3. When you’re fearful and stressed, what loss are you focusing on? (time, money, love, friendship, etc)

  4. Where does your fear live in your body?

  5. What can you do with your breathe and posture right now to clear some of the fearful tension?

  6. How are you protecting yourself?

  7. What are the consequences of allowing this fear to stop you? Are any of these consequences scarier, in the one term, than your actual immediate fear?

  8. Imagine the loss of NOT doing it. Let them sink in. Use your imagination to visualize your life in 1 year, 5 years, or even 20 years without ever doing that which you’ve been afraid to do.

JILLIAN’S TIPS FOR OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE

  1. Acknowledge and accept your fear or uneasiness around possibly making a mistake.

  2. Address your body and with your focus and breath, melt any tension you’re experiencing.

  3. Focus on how you will feel about yourself if you allow the fear of failure to stop you from trying.

  4. Decide that the disappointment you’ll have from not trying is way more painful than trying and not succeeding.

  5. Remove failure from your vocabulary. Failure is now “lesson.”
    STUDY all the people who you look up to and admire. They all have failed intensely. They just don't let it stop them.

  6. Review your history and identify all the times in your life you were courageous and brave. Bring that energy forward, now.

    Probably the most valuable piece of advice I can give you it to study those people who have reached success in your definition. Famous people, friends, etc. If you look closely, all of them believe in the power of LESSONS.

FEAR

30-DAY CHALLENGE

I want you to pick one thing you really want but scares the sh*t out of you. Write it down and say it out loud as much as you’d like. Connect to your WHY. Feel the emotion of your WHY in your bones. If it helps, write it down as reminders in your phone, or journal about it.

Then every day for at least 30 days, (could take you more time or less) take 1 actionable step towards it. For example, let's say what you want requires money. Set up a piggy bank of sorts, and every day contribute to it a set amount. Maybe for you it’s making phone calls or emails. It doesn't matter. What matters is that every single day you take at least one proactive action towards it. For at least 30 days. Just wait and see how this changes you on a profound level.