Sections
The meaning of any event is based on your interpretation of it. And, the meaning you assign to any event will determine how you feel about it.
In other words…
The meaning of anything is the meaning you assign to it.
Nothing means anything other than what we decide it means.
And most importantly: You decide what something means to you.
We are all free to decide to give anything in life the meaning we choose to give it. We can decide the end of a relationship means we’re unloveable, or we can decide it means we are to grow emotionally and spiritually. We can decide that failure is the worst thing ever and must be avoided, or we can decide that failure means lessons, and lessons mean success. We can decide that life is against us, or we can decide that life is always happening for us, even if it’s mysterious.
Can you see how the choice we make in what something means will determine our mood?
Choosing empowering meanings is a skill that has to be practiced and developed. For example, when someone you know is being negative, all that means is that they are in the habit of coming up with crappy meanings. We really do need to train like an athlete to see things how they really are AND be able to see the deeper purpose of a situation, event, or experience.
When we feel like something happens for no reason, that thing becomes meaningless. This creates deep pain. We all need to feel like our lives have meaning. Meaning is the driving force behind purpose. If we feel like something is just “bad” or it’s meant to torture or punish us, we will feel victimized by it. On the other hand, if we feel like something serves a greater purpose, or a higher order, we will eventually arrive at peace - even if the circumstance is very difficult.
I believe that all breakups have a purpose that is far greater and significant than how it initially appears.
We are story telling, meaning making, metaphor creating machines. Stories are the tales we make up based on our perception of any given person or circumstance. The events of the story are almost always true, but our perception - aka the meaning we give it, do not always represent the truth. When it comes to heartbreak, more people will delude themselves into believing that they are failures or not good enough. That is always a lie.
“The Mind” is not the enemy. Its purpose is to always have your back and protect you from pain. The only problem is that the mind is very limited in it’s understanding. It doesn't know how to be vulnerable, it doesn't know how to embrace change by stepping into the unknown. And if you're in the throes of heartbreak, you are facing a lot of uncertainty.
INVENTORY
Write down in as much detail as you choose the story of your relationship and how it ended. This is for no purpose other than to get it out of your head so that you can begin to look at your story with some objectivity.
When you reflect on the story that surrounds your heartbreak, what does it all mean to you? What have you deduced abut yourself, about your ex, and about the relationship?
Is it possible that there is a meaning that you have yet to uncover - even if you don't know what it is yet, could you be open to the possibility of it?
What have you learned so far?
Even if you are not quite sure of what the true lessons are of your experience, it is important to surrender to the notion that the lesson is coming.
PRACTICE
Go back in your history and reflect on the obstacles, challenges, and disappointments you’ve had to overcome. Looking back, what have been the most powerful lessons you’ve learned from these experiences? Write them all down. It’s important to remember and document your anecdotal experiences that reveal how hardship and “failure” yields lessons and growth.