Both our subconscious and conscious beliefs are what determine the direction and quality of our lives. Because of this truth, what we believe about love and relationship will largely determine our experience of love and relationship. As reviewed in the Intro, everyone has fear here - it is the ultimate vulnerability to open our hearts to someone who is not guaranteed to stay, let alone cherish it. 

Even if you try to be optimistic, if you have a belief that for example, relationship = pain, then you will subconsciously block the relationship you crave from entering your life simply because your heart won’t be open to it.

Here are some common limiting beliefs about love. Please note that some of these could be in your subconscious, not yet recognized. Until now.

Relationship = pain

  • I will have to change

  • I’m terrible at relationship

  • I will get hurt again

  • No one will love me the way I need

  • I’m not _____ enough to have a relationship

  • I had terrible role models

  • Men leave

  • There are no good men out there

  • No one is good enough for me

  • Women leave

  • life is easier alone

  • Relationships take away my freedom.

  • I’ll always have to choose between chemistry or “safe”.

  • I always attract the wrong ones

  • I don’t deserve love.

Unless you are consciously choosing a well needed time-out from love to focus on yourself and get your life in order, then you have a belief, or many, that is preventing you from being in a relationship. The belief could have stemmed from your childhood; meaning, it could be one that you learned or adopted from one or both of your parents. But it could also be from a bad experience you had later in life.

Remember: What you believe, you will find evidence of everywhere. That's when we say things like, “See! I told you so!” In order to break free from a limiting belief, you must first identify the event(s) that birthed it, identify the fear that drives it, and be open to a new perspective.

Be sure to listen to the audio before you Journal.

INVENTORY

When you have some quiet time to reflect and perhaps meditate, then answer these questions. You may find that you can’t answer them fully now, but the answer may come to you randomly later in the day, or in a dream. Just be sure to write down any insights or breakthroughs you have so you keep record of it.

  1. The beliefs I have about love are: list as many as you can, positive and negative.

  2. My beliefs about commitment are:

  3. Write down everything that scares you about love, being in a relationship and commitment. Get as detailed as possible here, listing things that might seem insignificantly small.

  4. Look at what scares you, and write down the conclusions you’ve come to about love/relationship/commitment based on your fears. These conclusions are your limiting beliefs.

  5. What is the main belief(s) that you suspect is interfering with your love life?

  6. When did you begin believing it? Describe in as much detail as possible (what, where, why, how - just bleed on the page) the event, or the experience(s), or what you perhaps witnessed as a child if relevant.

  7. Take a few moments to really review the origin of your belief. Look at the whole story, every narrative thread, every character, everything.

  8. Based on your belief’s origin story, you came up with some conclusions (beliefs) about what you experienced. What if you drew the wrong conclusion? Or perhaps an incomplete one? Please write down at least 2 OTHER WAYS you could interpret the origin stories. What else could’ve it meant? For example, when I went through a divorce, I developed some seriously limiting beliefs about love, men, and commitment. No one could blame me, just like I can't blame you for having yours. But it wasn't until I was able to get some perspective that I recognized that the conclusions I drew based on that painful event were totally incomplete. I was able to create 2 new perspectives which began to heal the beliefs that would hold me back from magnetizing true love to me. The only thing that was required was my openness to a new perspective.

  9. Fear is a part of life, but is there a new belief that you can adopt? If you’re not ready, go through steps 6-8 again. Give yourself time, and if you need to speak with a therapist or a trusted advisor, do so. What also helps immensely is speaking to people who have totally expansive and positive beliefs about love and relationship. PICK THEIR BRAINS. Hang around them. Who we spend time with, we become in many ways.