It is a rather tragic burden to recognize that we are all responsible for rescuing ourselves. Even though we aren’t meant to do life alone and without help, it still rests and will always rest on our own shoulders to figure out our lives and to make it to the other side of whatever hell we may be experiencing.

No one can rescue you from your unhappiness and fears. And no one can rescue you from your financial burdens without you feeling totally dependent and trapped at times. When you enter the dating scene, you want to enter it totally accountable for your life.

If you’re a sensitive empathic type, then you hear me when I say the word, “boundaries”. You also get me when I say that when you fall in love with someone’s “potential” instead of where they legitimately are, then you’ll become their healer, their shrink, their coach, and ultimately their mom. You don’t want this. This is when you become the rescuer versus the rescued. For more on codependency, be sure to do the Self-acceptance blueprint.

I believe every woman can identify, even if just a little, with having been in this position before.

Signs of rescuing:

  • You choose mates who have A LOT of work to do on themselves. This could range anywhere from over-coming addiction and toxic relationships, to simply being “curious” about growth, without ever having done any real emotional or spiritual personal development.

  • You’re drawn to their “potential”: Even though he/she is stuck in life and unmotivated to change, you stick around because you see so much in him/her.

  • You choose partners who are going through a particularly dark time in their lives - such as a divorce or a death of a loved one.

  • You often feel anxious when dating, and try to manage the relationship and their life in an effort to control that which feels out of control: such as his/her moods, unpredictable behavior, or general indecisiveness or non committal attitude in life.

  • They have disturbing track record in relationships (cheating, lying, unable to open up, never had a relationship in his life that went past a few months) and you justify the behavior; after all, that was his past, and it will be different with YOU.

  • You play the role of a spiritual teacher in your relationship: You want to help, so you expose them as much as possible to all your practices such as yoga, meditation, eating well. You are the grounded force in their life, and give a ton of advice.

  • You’re extremely intuitive. You can actually feel other people’s potential, and it kills you to see them not reach it. You’re loving and nurturing and believe people should be given a chance. You also have an inner knowing when something is not right in your relationship, but have a very difficult time listening to your intuition when it tells you to move on.

INVENTORY

Sometimes we go into rescue mode because we want SO BADLY this person to be who we hoped him/her to be. In other words, if we “coach” them towards their potential, then just maybe they will be able to be who we need them to be. This is a common pattern.

  1. What are some of the ways, if any, that you try to heal or coach past partners or even those who you just start dating?

  2. What have been your own rescue fantasies? - Please note, it is not uncommon nor an indication that something is wrong with you if you have those fantasies. The goal is to keep them in check and keep doing the work so that you feel competent.

  3. What in your life needs attention in order for you to feel more independent, confident and competent? What action could you take each day to move towards this? *note this is an important question to answer because it will force you to both be resourceful (huge confidence builder) as well as take action (another massive self worth builder). We also recommend the Self -Worth Workshop in the membership.

PRACTICE

This week, take inspired action by addressing something in your life that needs your attention. Whether it’s your finances, or your health, or your friendships, locate where the deficiency is and come up with 3 ways you can start to make changes in the right direction. The more accountable you feel for your happiness and fulfillment, the less you fantasize about being rescued. The more responsible you are for your life, the less focused you will be on trying to rescue someone else.