Our standards reflect the vision we uphold for ourselves and others so that we live life to the fullest and in accordance with our self worth. Standards are ‘high level’ expectations of ourselves and others. High level expectations are what we hold ourselves and others accountable for in the name of our sanity and self worth. 

According to both my professional and personal experience, too many women hold themselves to a lowered standard when it comes to dating which only leads to tolerating other people’s bad behavior.

The core reason behind this is a scarcity mindset. If you’re fearful that you don't have choices or have low self worth, you are much more likely to tolerate poor behavior from others. In other words, people will lower their standards when they become fearful that both love and the dating pool are scarce. 

The paradox is that when you lower your standards to accommodate a limiting belief, then what you create is scarcity! Basically, we get what we tolerate. We get what we settle for.  This deficiency perspective always leads to poor decisions, since it is our nature to react to famine with fear. 

Women have been partly conditioned by the cultural mentality to have these three limiting beliefs:

  1. A good person (particularly a good man) is a rare and exotic breed of human especially in big cities.

  2. A strong connection with someone is also a rarity, and therefore, if we do have this connection, it means we’re supposed to be in relationship with this person.

  3. Another’s heart is something to win - and all other women are our competitors.

Clues you’re stuck in a scarcity mindset:

  • You keep dating someone even when they are clearly not that invested in you.

  • You continue to see someone even though you’re not really into him or her.

  • You tolerate bad behavior: unreturned calls or texts, blowing you off, etc.

  • You continue to see someone even after they have told you that what they want is NOT what you want.

  • You feel anxious, or have a lot of FOMO if you don’t go out or put yourself out there all the time.

How to raise your standards:

Do this entire Blueprint as many times as you need to. It’s designed to raise your standard.

Make the decision to do it. We often overcomplicate our psychology and underestimate what we are actually capable of. You can actually decide to raise it. Then keep your word to yourself. Have a friend keep you accountable so you don't break your promise.

Go do you. Explore your interests and make your life more interesting and meaningful to you.

Complete the Self-Worth workshop, the Self-Acceptance Blueprint, and the Communication Blueprint. You can access them all in one place inside the Conscious Woman Membership.

INVENTORY

  1. What have you tolerated in life and from others that is below your standard?

  2. Where do you need to raise your standards? Is it in more than one area of your life?

  3. What new standards do you need to have for yourself and for a potential date and partner?

Heal a scarcity Mindset:

  1. Who do you know who does NOT have this mindset? Hang out with these people. This is major because our mentality is not fixed. It can be changed but we need the benefit of the alternative view point. Otherwise we stay stuck and we don't grow.

  2. Who and what has influenced you to believe that love, or anything else for that matter, is scarce? Is it really true? When we understand the source of influence, then we can put it into context and see how it is a belief that has been projected on to us by a person or society. This is called “conditioning.”

  3. Be sure to complete all the sections before this one. When you realign your picker, clarify your vision and needs, define your values, and raise your standards, you change your mindset.