Just about everyone has dated or been in a relationship with someone unavailable. When it’s a pattern, though, this is when you cannot look away. Instead, you have to look at it dead in the eye and figure it out because you deserve more. If dating unavailable people is a pattern, then you must consult with your own fears of intimacy. A fear of intimacy is a fear of vulnerability. Its: If I truly open you and let you into my world and heart, you could try to change me, you could want to leave me, or worse, you just won’t think I’m enough. To be clear, we all have a fear of intimacy - how could we not? Losing love can be emotionally catastrophic. But when the fear is both unconscious and overwhelming, we run into problems, such as attracting emotionally unavailable partners. This is why investigating your own level of unavailability is KEY to breaking this pattern.

INVENTORY

  • Have you commonly dated and fallen in love with emotionally unavailable people?

  • Describe the beginnings with these people. In other words, do they start out intense?

  • Go back in time to the beginning of a relationship that ended and was hurtful and disappointing. Write down the red flags that you ignored. Be sure to include details such as how your body reacted to it, and what justification you gave it - even if it was an energetic one of just pushing it to the side.

  • Have you typically dated those with more issues than you, and then hyper focused on their “stuff”?

  • What do you need from a partner to know that he or she is totally emotionally available to you?

  • How have YOU not been emotionally available? In other words, how has your fear of intimacy interfered with you being totally open?